My mother never told me....

My family moved all over the world when my dad was in the military, Massachusettes, New Hampshire, Dad was in Korea, then the whole family went to France, Dad was flying all over Europe and the last AF base was Mobile, Alabama. Mum took us to New Hampshire when she left Dad and when they reconciled we ended up in Toronto, Canada and finally in Salamanca,N.Y. When I got out of high school I was still traveling. I did a tour of eastern Canada and ended up in Toronto. I talked to my mom on the phone a lot till I was so homesick and depressed I returned to Salamanca.

Mum never told me how much it hurt to see me go. It never occured to me that it hurt her till I am faced with my daughter moving away from me.

My mother gave Howard a poem to encourage him when I went to Florida.

If you love something,

Set it free.

If it comes back,

It is your's.

I framed it and it hangs in my house to remind me of that time in my life.

There have been a few times in my life that I have missed my mother to talk to and this is one of them.

Back from Lyme Hell

You may wonder where this blogger has been since October. I have been to Lyme Disease Hell with a tick bite I got some time in July 2010 and I am just recovering enough to say I have my life back.

God got me through a difficult time, the most difficult time in my life that I have known so far. There were days that only prayer could get me through, looking out the kitchen window, watching the birds at the feeder, reminding myself that God cares for the birds, that He would care for me. I was lost to myself. I never want to go there again.

I do know that it could have been worse, that I can relate to people that I could not understand before. I have a better understanding and I will not soon forget.

It was a horrible winter and spring for many people. I knew of three suicides, one personally, who I had tried to help over the years and two who's families I know. I also had a close friend attempt suicide and ended up in the hospital.

God is merciful to me.

Relief

What a relief when one begins to feel better but since I was in this place one time three weeks ago with this bout of Lyme's. I am resilent to claim I am on the mend for fear that the spirichete will morf again and I will be facing it's horrors.

Life altering experience

Lyme's has been life altering for me.
Let me count the ways.
I woke up and realized I need to go to town and get a job so Howard can quit working and we have a steadier income from me and I have some better medical insurance benefits. So as soon as I am well enough that is on the list.
God gave me an attitude adjustment. I realized I do not pray enough. As much as I covet other's prayer, I do not pray enough for others when they have a need. Here I sit begging for healing as many others and fear the worst that I will not be healed. I do know that God is merciful and has delivered me in the past. Why do I have this fear?
I have days that are good and days like today that there is pain and distraction that makes it dificult to work. I have decided to take less work for a time. I have asked for help with the gardening for the garden club.
I am willing to make changes and see errors in my ways. Whatever you want, God.

Sick and tired of being sick and tired

I have been dealing with Lyme Disease for more than two months, possibly three months. I did not recognize the symptoms, the bite and rash were on my scalp, under my hair.
The depression has been horrid, doom and gloom, worry, clouds of fear for the future. Feelings I have never had to deal with before even though I have lived with depression, on and off all my life. I can deal with the pain easier than the mood the descends into my mind.
Two weeks ago I started doxicycline and started feeling better day 6 of treatement, felt better three days then relapsed and was sick as ever with exhaustion, vomiting, nausia and pain. Three days ago I started a stronger antibiotic and had a better day yesterday. Praying, praying I will feel better soon. Concerned that I am taking the right treatment.
Howard went to the doctor yesterday, now being treated for Lyme, on an antibiotic.
Please God, heal me.

Two months of Lyme Disease

I thank God we have antibiotics because I could not have stood another day of the Lyme disease. A week of Doxacylin has me feeling so much better. I felt like I was whining all the time I felt so miserable with the pain and depression, exhausted and fatigued.
Anyways. I spent the afternoon helping Debby move into her apartment on the third floor. She is half moved in and spending the night there with no electricity. I am the only "friend" she could get to come through to help her move. Some friends.
Thank you God for antibiotics.

A letter to Dad and Jeanne