The Family Life I Never Had

Howard and I went to Fort Erie to celebrate my dad's 80th birthday with him this past weekend, May 11th is the actual birthday. It is first time that I remember ever making a fuss over his birthday, going to dinner, making a cake, giving gifts, etc. It was a look into my family dynamics I never had before.
Paul, my youngest brother drove up from Texas and his son drove down from Cambridge, Ontario to spend the weekend. I have never been there at the same time as one of my brothers, yes and Dad is 80. Over the years, I have been the only one to consistently visit my father, wherever he lived. I don't think Jay or Dona have been to my father's house in the last 20 years, it's probably been longer than that if ever for Jay.
You are probably wondering why. It is as simple as brain disorders and alcoholism running rampant in a family and no outside the family support for a military family. Dad was very abusive, emotionally and physically for any number of reasons, to my mother and us kids. My mother left him when I was 13 years old, driving from Mobile, Alabama to Lebanon, New Hampshire in three days with four kids. We got back together within six months but a final break was established within another year.
There was a lot of pain and anger in there for all of us. Some have managed to get over it and some not. Paul has been sober 16 years today. I found a good drug for the bipolar disorder about that time also and was able to recover my life.
Paul and I have been able to express our wills to Dad because of an interesting incident that happened Sunday before noon. Dad said "I think I'll have a shot of brandy". Paul said "I'd rather you didn't". I said " I'd rather you didn't either, Dad. I love you dearly but I don't like you when you drink". So bless him, he skipped the shot of brandy and we had a great afternoon.
I do grieve the family life I might have had but will cherish all the more the times like this past weekend.